I am perplexed with all of the political rhetoric we hear.  Especially during an election cycle where we are constantly bombarded by the media during the political primaries; only to realize that it will not be over until the November elections.  What I find deficient in a particular political party – The Republican Party – is a sever lack of integrity on the part of those individuals seeking to be the party’s choice candidate to run against President Obama.

Integrity is a life principal to be cherished and practiced in our daily living. Politicians have set a poor example!  Surely these individuals are not reflective of the caring American citizens who labor daily to make a living, provide for their families, have a faith and strong since of community and values!

In an article titled “Standing for Something” by Cheshire Calhoun in the 1995 Journal of Philosophy, Ms. Calhoun argues that integrity is primarily a social virtue, one that is defined by a person’s relationship to others…they stand for something: they stand up for their best judgment within a community of people trying to discover what in life is worth doing.  As she puts it:

“Persons of integrity treat their own endorsements as ones that matter; or ought to matter, to fellow deliberators.  Absent a special sort of story, lying about one’s views, concealing them, recanting them under pressure, selling them out for rewards or to avoid penalties, and pandering to what one regards as the bad views of others, all indicate a failure to regard one’s own judgment as one that should matter to others”

Having integrity also demands that while we stand firm on the mantel of integrity – what we truly believe in –we must have proper respect for the judgment of others!

As Americans we deserve better in our political process.  Integrity must not be compromised.  Having said that, individually we need to live a life that has meaning and purpose for ourselves and others –we must have Integrity!

Ever had the ongoing frustrating experience of something going wrong in your life?  Maybe you are now or have recently had a problem with your vehicle.  You take it in for service and find out from the service technician that additional work is needed as a result of their inspection.  You need new brakes, transmission is leaking and you need to make some major repairs, car out of alignment, etc.  All of a sudden a small leak turns into a $1,200 bill.  Here is a pattern of dialogue for the unexpected events that will happen at some point in our lives, with solutions:

1. We always ask “Why” in a moment of anger and unbelief. Why did this have to happen now?  The last thing I need is this expense.  But I need the car in order to work.  I have no choice but to accept this event and work within my means to resolve it!  It’s not about you; it’s about how you are reacting to the event.
2. We second guess ourselves.  “Why did I buy this in the first place?  It cost so much to maintain!”  Fact:  Car’s do not last forever, and they do need some work, especially as they approach 80,000 miles plus!  It’s part of the “cost” of owning a vehicle. Only problem, with labor cost and inflation impacting the cost of parts, it is an expensive reality. Maintaining a home is just as expensive, if not more!
3.  We ask the “How” question. How am I going to pay for this?  Here is where “the rubber meets the road.”  Do you have an emergency fund?  If not, you need to start one NOW!  I cannot overemphasize this fact.   Consistently put money aside specifically for emergencies. [NOTE:  This provision is to be separate from a  health savings account if you have one]  DO NOT; pull money out of an IRA—tax implications plus potential early withdrawal penalties may apply.  If you borrow from you 401K and find yourself being out placed by your employer, the loan will be paid from proceeds from your 401K –so there goes a portion of your retirement!
4. We begin the process of working through it. The unexpected is never pleasant. It demands that we plan and make provision for events that will occur in our lives that will cost us over and above our immediate availability of cash. I would discourage charging the expense on a credit card or getting a loan.  That just increases your debt and impacts your ongoing cash flow.  Our “new normal” economy demands that we plan and develop a pay as you go mentality; foregoing the previous use –and in some cases abuse – of credit.
5. We take additional action as needed. If you absolutely have to charge your credit card or get a loan for a portion of the expense – after you have used your emergency fund -, make sure you pay it off promptly –the sooner the better.  Make adjustments in some of your discretionary expenditures so that it is paid off sooner than later. Begin replenishing the emergency fund immediately on a monthly basis as you did previously.
6. Accept the fact that things are just going to happen in our lives that are out of our control and make provision for them.

Planning for the unexpected is a REQUIRED discipline in the “new normal” economy!  Make sure you are making provision financially for those events!

Today  we reflect on the events of this year and again realize that through adversity, moments of sadness and joy, success and failure, health and sickness, loss and gain, we have made it!  We are never promised tomorrow, but as we live in the present, we must take to heart what is our purpose for living.

Today, I  quote a scripture verse I read this morning  that  applies at this point:  “ Dear brothers, warn those who are lazy; comfort those who are frightened; take tender care of those who are weak; and be patient with everyone.  See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to everyone else.  Always be joyful.  Always keep on praying.  No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” 1 Thessalonians 5: 14-18.

Take time to be thankful.  Tell those you love and care about how important they are to you.  Expressions from a heart full of gratitude and thanksgiving will go a long way in making your life richer and this world a better place.

Peace and Grace to you during this season of the year!

“Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else’s life.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

To effect change in your life, you will have to make a decision.  So, why are you more indecisive than not?

Let’s look at what typically causes indecisiveness. Often the process starts when we bug ourselves about losing out on something that we think may make us happier or provide a need we perceive. However, when we act on our desire we sometimes experience “buyer’s remorse,” and we immediately regret the decision we made. Why so much cognitive whiplash?

Much of our worry about making decisions stems from our irrational—and impossible—need for certainty. Obviously, making a good decision is important, but when we escalate that preference into an ironclad need to always get it right, not only do we get indecisive, we also fret and worry about any decision we do make. Worse, we reverse decisions, and then worry about that!

Major causes of indecisiveness:

• We don’t know ourselves very well, we carry internal conflict on what I want vs. what the others want from me
• Sloppy thinking & too much emotion
• We don’t want to know the facts
• We  want a “guaranteed” solution

Life requires us to make decisions every day.  What we need to do is be aware of the above major causes for being indecisive and realize that getting the facts and not acting on emotion is the best course of action.  We need to less of React & Response to more Creative Thinking driven by living for a purpose!  Corporations spend millions in marketing to influence our decision making process.  For many of us, we just buy into the latest and greatest and not the BEST!  We let
others decide what is best for us – essentially we respond to what others want from us.  Being decisive is:

• Educating ourselves on our options
• Making realistic comparisons
• Understanding what we desire vs. what we really need
• Accepting the fact that nothing is a “guarantee”
• Circumstances change and we can always make changes.

Whether it’s losing weight, making a career change, planning your financial security, getting involved socially, improving your relationships – you will need to use creative thinking to make the best decisions. As the result of being indecisive, you place yourself in a rut and you do not make progress in your lifecycle.  You are not getting out of life what you desire! My I hope is that as a result of this blog you will decide to act in your best interest and not respond to what others want from you!  Being indecisive is a decision!  Where are you in this process?

“There is a tsunami of chronic preventable disease about to be unleashed into our medical-care system which is increasingly unaffordable”
Reed Tuckson, United Health Foundation

The sleeping giant is getting larger! While traveling this week, I found myself in a seat on my flight next to an obese lady with an overweight baby in her lap. Literally, I could NOT sit in my seat comfortably and even read. I had to ask the flight attendant to find me another seat. Luckily, the flight was not full and I was able to move. I am quite observant as I travel, and I see more and more individuals [adults & children], not just overweight, but obese and bulging!
It takes discipline and personal responsibility to manage ones weight —and personal health and welfare. One of my physicians told me about a year ago that we are facing a major impact on healthcare in the future if we as a county do not address the obesity problem. Unfortunately, it continues to get worse and the impact is increasing health insurance premiums – even for the healthy! In my research, I found the following facts:
• If Americans continue to pack on pounds, obesity will cost the USA about $344 billion in medical-related expenses by 2018, eating up about 21% of health-care spending, says the first analysis to estimate the future medical costs of excess weight.

• These calculations are based on the projection that in 10 years 43% of Americans adults may be obese, which is roughly 30 or more pounds over a healthy weight, if obesity continues to rise at the current rate. Extra weight increases the risk of diabetes, heart disease and many types of cancer.
Research has shown that as weight increases to reach the levels referred to as “overweight” and “obesity,” the risks for the following conditions also increase:

• Coronary heart disease
• Type 2 diabetes
• Cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)
• Hypertension (high blood pressure)
• Dyslipidemia (for example, high total cholesterol or high levels of triglycerides)
• Stroke
• Liver and Gallbladder disease
• Sleep apnea and respiratory problems
• Osteoarthritis (a degeneration of cartilage and its underlying bone within a joint)
• Gynecological problems (abnormal menses, infertility)

Need I say more? If you are overweight or obese, please be kind to yourself and start the process of loving and caring for yourself. Get professional help. Find a program that will get you on the path to wellness. Do not take this lightly, it is a serious matter. As a father & grandfather and because I care about children, please watch your child’s diet and make sure that they do not follow in your footsteps if you are obese.

Please stop this insanity and take your health seriously. Push back from the table of food and consumption and move forward with a healthy lifestyle! Share this blog with  your friends and family members that struggle with their weight. Let’s make a difference and live a long healthy life!

“Vision helps us see the possibilities of tomorrow within the realities of today, and motivates us to do what needs to be done.”

Conform or be transformed.  What would be your choice?  If I conform, I give up my creative choice to think of the benefits to be obtained from the choices I have. Free will allows me to judge the merits of the decisions I make with the facts I have available to me.  If I just conform to what is expected of me, I set myself up for a “lack of personal identity!”   I only act, think and respond based on the expectations of others.  Where then is my true self? 

I recall a scripture text that states,” be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This phrase relates to a person’s spiritual experience; however, it is powerfully applicable in everyday living.

How do I renew anything, much less my mind and thought process?  Renewing is becoming new again!  Renewing gives us a sense of vision; of what could be!  That means that I have the capacity to change based on the thoughts and desires of my existence that drive my actions. Why then do we settle for the expected rather than the exceptional?  I pose that question to myself all the time.  As a result, I am constantly renewing myself, processing new knowledge, reframing life experiences and building on meaningful relationships that add value to my life.  The process demands that I be completely honest with myself and the expectations that I set for myself.  When I do that, I find every day a refreshing challenge.  More creative and intuitive that the day before.  

Are you conforming or transforming?    I choose the continuum of transformation!

I just don’t have enough time!  Are you kidding me? Last time I checked we all get the same  allotment of time.   Busy is not better.Busy is just busy.  Caught up in a maze of technology?  Phone, iPad,iPod,  laptop, voice mail, television, Facebook, instant messaging, multiple ID’s and passwords are all a part of our lives which leaves very little focus on developing meaningful relationships.

We are technology tired – worn out. OurI minds are racing with multiple segments of data, our eyes are tired and we feel we have no personal space.  If you have children, that is an added burden along with managing a household and a budget. For the unemployed, there is the constant emotional journey of disappointment and dwindling self esteem. And then there are bills to pay, demands on your relationship and the lack of intimacy between persons that was once more meaningful.  Countless rhetoric of a recession and disappointment in institutions that we depend on –our education system and our totally dysfunctional government.  How’s your plan for retirement?   What retirement!  Geez, many have depleted their savings, 401K’s and other sources to just to survive.  Are you leveraged?  Owe more than you can ever pay off?  Most people are over extended.  How’s your waistline?  Have a weight problem?    Have I said enough?  What should we consider as a solution?

Here is what I suggest:

It’s time to evaluate our Life Plan [if you have one] and make some changes!  Change is difficult,  but if you want some peace in your life and live longer, there is no option.  Take an inventory of how you spend your time
and the choices you make.   Stop this madness.  YOU are the only person that can make this happen! Don’t let other people, institutions and external forces determine your destiny.   Deal with facts
not fantasy.  Stand on your own two feet and begin to do some healthy procrastination and make healthier choices.

What are your solutions for sanity in a world of chaos and  complexity?  Your comments are welcomed.  I for one have found that less is more in my life.  Quality not quantity counts.  People are more valuable than possessions.   I have more power than I once thought in managing my choices and uses of time.  How about you?

Do you realize what impact just a few people can make?  Do you understand how you can make a significant impact in the lives of other people, your family, your business, company, or sphere of influence?  I think we short sell ourselves.

 When you think of the lack of leadership in our government, the economic woes of the European  [EU] community and our US economy, what comes to mind?  There are probably less than 100 key people globally that are in the forefront and are key decision [or lack thereof] makers.  What we are experiencing  is chaos in government, lack of job growth, a slowing global economy, and a significant reduction  in our emotional well being.  So what do we do?

1. First and foremost, acknowledge your feelings.
2. Make changes were you have a sphere of influence.  You can be the change agent!
3. To the bigger issues where you have no direct impact, make your influence heard.  E-mail, call and use whatever communication source available to get the facts and share your solution. 
4. Don’t dwell on the problem.  Everyone already knows the problem(s).  People want solutions.
5. Affirm your self- worth mentally.  Meditate.  Pray.
6. Manage your own life with “realistic” expectations and plan accordingly.
7. Seek a professional who can help you manage your emotions.
8. Develop a healthy network of friends that share your values.
9. Always deal with facts.  If you don’t know for sure, do your research.  Never accept at face value what you hear.
10. Know what you believe and why!  Do not let an organization or other people  do your thinking for you.  They could be wrong!

One man, Jesus Christ, revolutionized the world with his teaching and redemptive message.  His words and His teachings are a good benchmark for living a good and impactful life.  That one man made a difference for all humanity today and for mans eternal destiny.  The question is what are you going to do with your life?  If we immurse ourselves within ourselves, we will never be impactful.  Being self centered and greedy is not the solution. It is only when we find solace and purpose within and then express it outwardly for the benefit of others, that we make a difference.  What are you doing?

Find yourself continually perplexed why people distance themselves from others? 

For many of us we practice gracious hospitality, are available to others to support them during difficult times and we honestly seek the best interest of others. Why are we in the minority?  Thoughtful consideration of others is becoming rare!

When no words of appreciation or positive feedback occur, we find ourselves first just disappointed and then the repressed anger hits us.  We ask the questions:

Why did I take the time and effort to help this person?

Why do they not give me equal consideration?  I thought I knew this person?

Do you reach the point where you begin some self talk like this:   I will never again reach out to others, and persons in particular to be a support and comfort during difficult times.  I will not extend my professional expertise and insight to those who need my services.  I am taken advantage of frequently.   I cannot take this casual rejection and abuse any further.  I am hurt.  I am tired.

The question then is; what should I do?

1. Acknowledge the feelings you have. 
2. Get the facts and make sure your feelings are genuine.  If you feel used or hurt – acknowledge it!
3. Accept the fact that your perceptions were never reality.  The other person never really intended to include you.  You were conveniently used for their self serving purposes.
4. Look to your husband, wife or partner for understanding and support.  If the experience is shared, listen to each others take on the situation, learn from it what you can and rest in the love and support from each other.
5. If your husband, wife or partner is the offender, seek professional help; i.e. licensed counselor or psychologist.
6. Accept the fact that some “friends” are really NOT friends and the relationship needs to terminate.
7.  Remember: An acquaintance is not necessarily a friend. 

Always remember that any relationship that grows, matures and is lasting is collaborative, open, honest and affirming.  When it becomes one sided, it no longer is healthy!  Pursuing such people to “keep connected” will only set yourself up for future hurt and disappointment.  Don’t mix your positive life energy with negative destructive energy forces!!!

Life does go on!  Cherish those friendships that are true and affirming and move on!  What are you experiencing?

We expect consistency in our lives.  It makes us feel secure, confident and in control of our world.  When things do not go our way or situations change in our life, we experience what is known as “dissonance.”   Dissonance is simply a technical term for the cognitive, emotional, physiological, and behavioral state that arises when things do not go the way we expect them to.

One thing that frequently occurs when we experience dissonance is a mental state of confusion and interruption. We ask ourselves what went wrong.  What did I miss?  Frequently we experience changes in our physical state.  Our hearts race, blood pressure goes up and our hands get sweaty.  Basically, dissonance is uncomfortable.  It is the result of inconsistencies in our lives.

To get rid of dissonance we need to change the way we think.  Here are some useful tips:

1. Deny it.  Ignore it.
2. Overload good vs. bad results.  Remember all the times you were successful
3. Change your level of expectation.  If we expect too much, we set ourselves up for disappointment.  Set realistic expectations.
4. Reframe or “change how you see the situation” Change your evaluation of the thought and find the best possible outcome. Educate yourself.  Get the “facts”

These are just a few ways in which you can cope with dissonance in your life.

One of the ways in which we see dissonance in action is by “selective exposure.”  By that I mean people selectively expose themselves to information when possible.  They will seek out things they agree with, but will avoid things they disagree with.  Even if the information they are exposed to is true and valid and they can gain greater knowledge and understanding on a subject, they reject that opportunity.  It is inconsistent with their thinking.

I challenge you to test your thinking and not be so narrowly focused on life and information, that you miss an opportunity to learn, grow and possibly change your thinking. Political posturing and rhetoric that seeks to defend a position that may in fact not be in the best interest of all is dangerous. Stereotyping or making rash judgments are just as destructive.

 May you learn every day more about what you don’t know, so you are more informed to make better decisions in the future about your life and relationships with other people and cultures. Are you ready to change your thinking?